A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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