I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
