I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Slut skills are useful in every country.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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