I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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