she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just want nice things and good sex
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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