I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
