I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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