So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
