why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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