Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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