You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i was born a porn star she said
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
