and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
