I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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