You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
