Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hippo gnu deer
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
