We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
