I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
