WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
