Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My bed smells like the plague
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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