nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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