The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
50% drunk capacity currently
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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