This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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