I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
