i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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