thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
