i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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