I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
