Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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