; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
