How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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