I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
