So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
