I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
