I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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