So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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