My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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