the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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