Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How naked do you want me to be?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
