i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
