I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I need to align my fucking chakras
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
