I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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