i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
