final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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