Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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