my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my sisters under your porch take her home
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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