can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
