Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
