I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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