Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The ass gains better be worth it
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