She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
