You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
