This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
