So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
