i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
