I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
